First Dates

What am i doing?
What am i thinking?
Is this really
really
what i want
or is it just
another shot at feeling
whole again?
Can this mouth even still move?
Can these feet still drive
around some back corners
and through the shortcuts?

Past of me is saying
YES! YES! OF COURSE!
But I know myself well enough to wonder
if it's the right part of me
or if there is
a right part of me
or a good part of me.

So I rush and run
and end up early -
like usual -
and I got a sort of plan
but here’s hoping I can be at least a bit
impressive.
I go to war with the keypad
that runs the gate
that guards her complex
like castle ramparts.
The door swings open and I drive through
nearly missing the only turn
I need to make.

I pull in and park and clean up
the truck a bit
open the door for her
and close the door for her.
We catch a movie
and hang out over a few beers
before calling it a night

and I can’t help
but feel like
I’ve committed treason
as the clock strikes midnight
and I make it as far as
twenty four.